Icy Heart

I have had a rough week. We’ve had two days off from school and a day of complete ice that has literally iced me from doing what I wanted to do, and to top it all off my laundry machine broke. Probably from overuse as I do yes, not one but anywhere from 6 to 8 loads of laundry with 4 boyz to men in my house. Needless to say, this could possibly could be the worst thing aside from having the electricity go out during a snow storm that could happen. Trudging to a laundry mat with my kids sounds so so well, let’s just say it would push me over the edge...my teeth hurt at the thought. Having three boys with cabin fever and getting low on milk only adds to the stress of the situation and why don’t we mix a good dose of familial bickering to that too.

Calgon take me away! Or better yet...let’s fantasize about a trip to Canyon Ranch.

Lucy found herself quite satisfied once the kids were in bed and all is quiet in breaking the ice off the cars, and knocking icicles off the house. There was something just very satisfying in getting some pent up frustration out by breaking ice. I watched my kids even this morning waiting for the bus, (yeah! a full day of school once again!) punch their fists through the ice, kick their boots into it or just fling sheets of ice across a virginal plain of snow covered ice.

Lucy also realized that maybe at times her heart is a bit frosty to what God has said over the years said to her or even tried to say to her but she iced over her heart AND her hears.
Well, I need to allow God to take a chisel or scraper or how about just smashing the ice at times.

I remember listening to a young pastor years ago talk about making it a priority to study the Word of God aka...the Bible! Even if you were a young mother with children. I can still remember how I balked at the inexperience of this guy. I thought “hey, how bout you have three kids hanging on you for every meal and change three kids’ diapers and still have time to have a decent conversation with your husband at the end of the day!” I completely wrote off what this pastor had to say from that comment on. Heart turned to ice and I continued to never make much of a priority to daily study scripture again...or at least until my kids were out of diapers....or in preschool....or actually in grade school. Not that God didn’t give me Grace for the day, but honestly I have continued in complete disobedience because the main message God had for me which was “learn how to prioritize” or you “are what you serve.” seriously. This is every Christian Mom’s struggle, especially one that has multiple children.

In my latest endeavor, I am taking a Bible Study Methods class online. It’s for credit. I paid money and my investment is for long term. As I am reading Living by the Book I am realizing that I have never properly prioritized my time to serve God first, even over my family. That’s not to say I never cracked my Bible open, but in snow storms of crisis and times when I just can’t get out of my house I could be happy to let the kids be in their PJs and watch a movie SO THAT I could take care of my highest priority which IS to study the Bible, because “ I long for the pure milk of the WORD like a NEWBORN BABY”.

I know some people are going to say “you’re too hard on yourself”...or like me “she’s got kids in school of course she can have time to study the Word”....I know deep in my heart I’ve made excuses and let the priorities get all out of balance. I turned my heart to ice those years ago thinking that what that pastor said was out of “inexperience” and lost years of growth and maturity because I was not willing to reorganize my life and put God first. It is a sacrifice to re prioritize your whole life. Turn off the TV. Wake up at 6am. Go to bed early. Don’t spend time on Facebook. I keep thinking back at those crazy infant days, constantly nursing, constantly changing diapers and realize now that I should be like that with God. That I should have been like that with God even then, figuring out how to balance my life with children with God at the top. I don’t know if I was longing for anything other than sleep, but I know now that I should be constantly hungering because I got a lot of growing to do.

The Word of God has been like a blowtorch to an icicle (one method a certain person in our house has tried...I don’t recommend it but stealing the metaphor)...it melts iced over areas of our heart that we haven’t realized that we have allowed to harden. We have allowed the storms of life to ice over areas of our heart instead of cling to them as sustenance, sanity and refuge. It has certainly been worth allowing God to break, chisel, smash that ice covered heart and allow my growth by the “pure milk of God’s Word” to begin in areas that have never been cultivated.