Out of the Blue

What do we do with the unexpected things in our life that happen that we just for the life of us can not explain the hows and the whys? People have wrestled with things like this for centuries maybe even longer. Freak accidents, things that pop out of nowhere, chance sightings or even maybe being hit by lightening. On a trip to Australia we listen to a lot of old fashion wave technology...it’s called a RADIO. We do. We listen to a lot of radio in Australia and in fact they have really interesting radio unlike here that is filled with clap trap and commercials.

I once heard a story about a man who had been hit by lightening and could all of a sudden play the piano like a genius. I am not joking...I didn’t believe him until tons of testimonies held that same account, even his mother and there he was...now he gives concerts all over the world. I believe he had complications too like heart issues and other health issues, but before that he was in a totally different world that had nothing to do with the piano.

I was thinking about this whole miracle if you want to call it that this week because a dear friend of mine died from TSS (Toxic Shock Syndrome). She was 40 and had 2 kids. She was absolutely gorgeous and was one of the sweetest people I have gotten to know through my kids being friends. This news and the whole aspect of TSS has come to a huge shock, this is so out of the blue that I’ve had to stop and think truly about the big picture stuff in life. The aspect of my friend never having cancer, never driving on a dangerous road, never over dosing on drugs, never committing suicide, not even being killed has even been more explaining of the hows and whys. I can explain evil, I can see evil but really ...a tampon? I mean I get the crazies that do horrible stuff to people, that is just obviously evil. But complications of a tampon? Really?
The fact is TSS is deadly. Just like the chemicals and material that is used in the manufacturing of tampons has suggested to be there are warning statements on the box. And yet, I know as a Mom she would have felt sick and gone to bed thinking she had a virus or something. But she never woke up again. It sucks. It’s unfair. But I could totally see myself not going to the doctor or thinking I'd feel better in the morning.

I have struggled with questioning God’s sovereign ways this week. It’s been hard to look at the lovely picture of her, think about our last chance meeting in the store and engaged in that blossoming friendship that will never be. In any crisis of faith I have to go back to the big picture and place myself under it. What is God doing? I’ve had some questions in that direction for sure. Why would this happen to her? How sovereign are You O Lord? Usually God points me to the direction of Job in this way. He also pulls me back to the reality that life is fragile and to take care of what God has given to us because in an instant, it can be gone. Love one another. Our lives are like grains of sand on the expanse of the oceans. We have limited time here with our loved ones, with our spouses, with our children, and with our friends.

So, what do I conclude for now with regards to my friend? Well, I know that God on this day has done His plan and not mine. I am never promised all the answers to why, how and who. The fact is, it’s very rare for people to come out of a lightening strike with perfect concert pianist abilities...usually people drop dead from electrical shock. In walking here on earth, we walk in fragility more often than strength and sometimes need to be reminded of that.

Then his wife said to him, "Do you still hold fast your integrity? Curse God and die!"

But he said to her, "You speak as one of the foolish women speaks.Shall we indeed accept good from God and not accept adversity?" In all this Job did not sin with his lips.

Dedicated to Juliana

Icy Heart

I have had a rough week. We’ve had two days off from school and a day of complete ice that has literally iced me from doing what I wanted to do, and to top it all off my laundry machine broke. Probably from overuse as I do yes, not one but anywhere from 6 to 8 loads of laundry with 4 boyz to men in my house. Needless to say, this could possibly could be the worst thing aside from having the electricity go out during a snow storm that could happen. Trudging to a laundry mat with my kids sounds so so well, let’s just say it would push me over the edge...my teeth hurt at the thought. Having three boys with cabin fever and getting low on milk only adds to the stress of the situation and why don’t we mix a good dose of familial bickering to that too.

Calgon take me away! Or better yet...let’s fantasize about a trip to Canyon Ranch.

Lucy found herself quite satisfied once the kids were in bed and all is quiet in breaking the ice off the cars, and knocking icicles off the house. There was something just very satisfying in getting some pent up frustration out by breaking ice. I watched my kids even this morning waiting for the bus, (yeah! a full day of school once again!) punch their fists through the ice, kick their boots into it or just fling sheets of ice across a virginal plain of snow covered ice.

Lucy also realized that maybe at times her heart is a bit frosty to what God has said over the years said to her or even tried to say to her but she iced over her heart AND her hears.
Well, I need to allow God to take a chisel or scraper or how about just smashing the ice at times.

I remember listening to a young pastor years ago talk about making it a priority to study the Word of God aka...the Bible! Even if you were a young mother with children. I can still remember how I balked at the inexperience of this guy. I thought “hey, how bout you have three kids hanging on you for every meal and change three kids’ diapers and still have time to have a decent conversation with your husband at the end of the day!” I completely wrote off what this pastor had to say from that comment on. Heart turned to ice and I continued to never make much of a priority to daily study scripture again...or at least until my kids were out of diapers....or in preschool....or actually in grade school. Not that God didn’t give me Grace for the day, but honestly I have continued in complete disobedience because the main message God had for me which was “learn how to prioritize” or you “are what you serve.” seriously. This is every Christian Mom’s struggle, especially one that has multiple children.

In my latest endeavor, I am taking a Bible Study Methods class online. It’s for credit. I paid money and my investment is for long term. As I am reading Living by the Book I am realizing that I have never properly prioritized my time to serve God first, even over my family. That’s not to say I never cracked my Bible open, but in snow storms of crisis and times when I just can’t get out of my house I could be happy to let the kids be in their PJs and watch a movie SO THAT I could take care of my highest priority which IS to study the Bible, because “ I long for the pure milk of the WORD like a NEWBORN BABY”.

I know some people are going to say “you’re too hard on yourself”...or like me “she’s got kids in school of course she can have time to study the Word”....I know deep in my heart I’ve made excuses and let the priorities get all out of balance. I turned my heart to ice those years ago thinking that what that pastor said was out of “inexperience” and lost years of growth and maturity because I was not willing to reorganize my life and put God first. It is a sacrifice to re prioritize your whole life. Turn off the TV. Wake up at 6am. Go to bed early. Don’t spend time on Facebook. I keep thinking back at those crazy infant days, constantly nursing, constantly changing diapers and realize now that I should be like that with God. That I should have been like that with God even then, figuring out how to balance my life with children with God at the top. I don’t know if I was longing for anything other than sleep, but I know now that I should be constantly hungering because I got a lot of growing to do.

The Word of God has been like a blowtorch to an icicle (one method a certain person in our house has tried...I don’t recommend it but stealing the metaphor)...it melts iced over areas of our heart that we haven’t realized that we have allowed to harden. We have allowed the storms of life to ice over areas of our heart instead of cling to them as sustenance, sanity and refuge. It has certainly been worth allowing God to break, chisel, smash that ice covered heart and allow my growth by the “pure milk of God’s Word” to begin in areas that have never been cultivated.

Paths in the Snow

I live in the Northeast, a part that gets a lot of snow and is bitter cold at times that makes you want to scream for Mama. This week we got about 2 ft of snow plonked down on us over a 18 hour span and blanketed us with this wonderful powdery substance that makes living this far north worth it. I also have a sweet little dog that is about shin high, a pure bred Shiba Inu and I will spare you at this time the story of how I got her, but she is a wonderful dog that is equally affectionate as she is regal. I had another Shiba that loved the snow before Sheba came to our family. She would jump into the snow and absolutely delight in it. Since Sheba is also a Shiba, I assumed she would react to this lovely powder the same way...even if it was over her head.

 

So I opened our back door and Sheba simply looked at me as if I was out of my mind. She clearly could see it was over her head and frankly my expectations of her just bounding out the door in the 2 ft of snow was a bit presumutious. Sheba also needs to go to the bathroom outside. I closed the door and told her she was going to have to wait until I could take her outside. Still looking at me with expectation...I simply had to do it, she was a creature of habit. I got my shovel, my snow pants, hat, gloves on and got the shovel and started digging us out from the backdoor. I started digging the path and invited Sheba to come out...maybe if I started she would move ahead into full Shiba bouncing motion and carve her own path. As I was shoveling I notice Sheba waiting behind me patiently, she had to go...”Really” I thought...she is not going to go anywhere but her favorite spot. So I shovel, and shovel and shovel. A long path to the far end of the yard. As I am shoveling God brings this picture to my mind about how much He loves us. Also at our inability to make a path in lifes storms on our own. Relying on His strength to go before us, so that we can simply cope with adverse conditions...even if it is only 2ft of snow. Sheba by nature, can not shovel a path anywhere mostly because she has paws but partly because she is less than 2 ft tall, and the snow is simply over her head. That’s often how I feel in light of what is going on in my life. But God sent Christ to show us how we are to walk, and yet He also is the only one that can shovel the path for us. 

 

It’s funny...Sheba stayed on the path I shoveled but I tried to get my kids to stay on the path as an excersise in obedience. That didn’t work so well. They were making their own paths, undermining my “vision” of a network of paths for Sheba. I see myself more in their shoes, going in my own direction often times and not allowing God to be the one to shovel me a path. As a result, I fall in the snow and get stuck or worse yet I loose a boot or a glove. I love it how God shows us some little lessons even with the relationship with our animals. Eventually this lesson that I was trying to press upon the kids, they joined in and we made my system of paths for Sheba to go make her “yellow brick road” so all is well and happy. 

Let God shovel your path!

Genesis and Sin ala mode

Well, I've had a hard time thinking about what to write in this new year. I am not inspired by much around me. Frankly, I am trying to mentally get through February and March...and in New England even April can be cold cold cold. Everything in me wants to start off new things so I always seem to read Geneses. And of course this year I am reminded that I turn that ffffffffooooorty number. There I said it. 2011, I will officially be over the hill. What hill? I guess if I am at the top of the hill this is what the pinnacle of my life? This is it?

I got achey after a day of complete obliterating organization. I am starting to feel the effects of that walk up the hill despite my youthful looks or my immaturity (depending on who you ask). That got me to thinking about when age sets in...mortality...and the now steady decline of my fleshly body with age. It really sucks getting older (not old...because I am still in denial). It doesn't suck maturing....but it sucks not being able to move the next morning after you just swept the whole house, did ALL the laundry and moved furniture around. I felt like I did when my husband and I went dog sledding 15 years ago in Canada. No one warned us that we would be plastered in bruises the day after dog sledding. I was warned about the creaking aches.

So as I was licking my old woman wounds in the shower I got to thinking about the beginning, and the garden of eden and when the decline of the fleshly body spiritually began. I have long long long thought about the relationship Adam and Eve must have had with each other....what came first the chicken or the egg kind of thoughts. Did God create the egg or the chicken? Come on spiritually speaking...and I've often wondered in Genesis Adam's conversation with Eve regarding the tree haven't you? God told the man first (as Eve was not created at that point) about the law regarding the tree. God said you must not eat of the tree lest you die. I've always wondered about the relationship dynamics of an unashamed and innocent couple and their communication with each other. I imagine the conversation something like this.

Adam: "Hey woman, darling o' rib of mine... I have to go and name some animals over here on the shady part of the garden...there are some interesting species that I need to observe so let's review what God said about that tree over there."

Eve: "Okay darling Adam, you've told me everyday since I was created. I've got it, don't touch the tree with that fruit on it. Why did God put that in the middle of the garden anyway?...hey what was that thing you named yesterday...Baboon? Where did you get that name...what does it mean? Baboon?"

Adam: "Woman God told me before you even got created to not eat that fruit from that tree....so, I have to go and name some animals over here on the shady part of the garden...there are some interesting species that I need to observe. I think those insects should be called mosquitoes don't you think? Hey...you know in fact Eve, just don't TOUCH that tree okay?"

Eve: "okay okay...but what is knowledge Adam? What is evil? God told you we would die? What does that mean...to die?"

Adam: " you just got to trust me on this one Woman...don't even touch it...don't even smell it, don't look at it...just wait here 'til I get back from my little trip to the shady part where those strange jumping hairy things are...I need to give them a name. I have a job to do. Got to subdue!"

Eve: "....okay....have a good trip dear....." (thinking to herself...gosh, he really doesn't want me to touch that tree. Why? I have so many questions about that tree. I wish he gave me a better sounding name...like.....Oh...I know maybe I'll go and just look at the tree and see what kind of animals and insects live on the tree...and think of a unique name...just like Adam. He'll be so proud of me!)

Eve walks to the tree, and sees a ...reptilian thing that flicks it's tongue. Flick. Flick. Flick. Eve sits and stares at the tree and stares at the animal...she watches it shed it's skin. Now there is a weird thing...

Eve thinks to herself: you don't have a name...you seem to really like that fruit on that tree...I've had all the fruit of the garden, except this one....

The serpent is friendly, bright eyed and has the look of wisdom on his face. A similar look she had seen on God's face..no other animal ate from this tree but this animal had the face of God....it must be the fruit! Then amazingly the animal spoke....to Eve!

And he said to the woman, “Has God indeed said, ‘You shall not eat of every tree of the garden’?”

Eve: “We may eat the fruit of the trees of the garden;but of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God has said, ‘You shall not eat it, nor shall you touch it, lest you die.’”

Then the serpent said to the woman, “You will not surely die. For God knows that in the day you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”

Eve: what eyes is this serpent talking about? I can see...the sky, the birds, I can see Adam over there counting what looks to be chickens...or eggs. What is evil? What is this dying thing that God, and this serpent talking about? You know if Adam weren't so quick to get on with his job of naming all of creation and subduing the animals maybe he'd answer my questions...I mean we've got time... Every time I ask God what knowledge means and what is evil...and why we can't touch the fruit he smiles and tell me to eat the fruit from the tree of Life and that he loves me and as long as I don't eat...I'll live in the garden...forever. I have to admit, it is the best fruit in the garden... and God is so wise and I love our walks in the garden all together but I would love to know what God knows. I wonder if God has eaten this fruit...if I will be like God, why does he get to eat it but we don't? but I've never tasted this fruit...what if this dying thing was even better tasting than the fruit from the tree of Life. I will be as wise and know what everything is like! Then I can decide which is the best tasting fruit in the garden...just one bite. Maybe God won't even notice.

Hey there's a draft in this garden now...it's getting cold

I will run over and get Adam and let him enjoy the best fruit in the garden.

Okay...that's probably when the truth sank in. The clouds started covering the sun...it was windy, getting chilly and for the first time they were COLD. They realized that that they disobeyed and of course Adam had his own set of guilt issues and blamed God and the woman!

"that women you gave me made me do it!"

I wonder maybe if Adam had stopped calling Eve "Woman" and just gave her a name she might be more receptive to what Adam might have had to tell her?

I've always thought God made man perfect in the garden. And that it was sin that degraded our nature. I don't know why I thought that...but this blog again is about me debunking some of my Lucy2Shoes assumptions in my faith walk. Sin did bring about death and aging...so thanks to Adam and Eve I am creaking about after a normal day of putzing about the house and frankly turning 40 this year hopefully will not over the hill for me. I intend to live an eternal life, glorified and sin free but of course that's on another relm. Every time I come to the beginning of scripture in a new year, the beginning of the account of creation I see new things and wonder. There is something inside of us that thinks the grass is greener on the other side, and it is the sense of wonder that in the end actually forges our desire to find God and get back to eden. Ah the innocence! I sometimes place myself in that garden and find myself eating of that fruit way sooner than Eve ever contemplated it. I would have probably served Adam a hot baked pie with that fruit and served it ala mode.

Craving the Simple Life

It's New Year's Day and I am overloaded with laundry post Christmas, post vacation, post snow storm, post sled riding. Currently I face a basket of socks that will probably take me hours to match and the piles of toys and clothing that need to be sorted through, recycling needs to be put out to the curb and then the tree is losing it's vigor and perkiness so soon it will be time to take the tree out back and well...dealt with. Poor tree. My kids have gorged themselves on cookies, parties, unwrapped presents and in the last week we've had play dates and activities that just drained me to watch them participate in them. Skating, sledding, running, movies, dinner, Wii light saber duals and repeat this several times over the last 7 days and you can see why my back aches.

I saw a post recently that said someone had the post holiday blues, credit card bills coming in after buying all those presents. I often have in the past felt this way, but I don't even have the energy for that. I just crave getting this new year going on the right track and get back to "normal" whatever that is. The kids will get back to school and a great sigh of relief will overtake me on Monday and pray we don't have a snow day any day soon. With New Year's resolutions coming in from losing weight, to being more at peace with something like a loved one's passing or just cleaning out the closet we greet the new year like a new day.

Last year was pretty crappy for many of us. Financially we have seen better days. We've had several friends move towards divorce. We have lost loved ones. We have struggled with uphill battles from the inside out. Of course the new year is a time to reflect and move into a new time and put old saggy habits out to dry or have renewed spirit in our daily course of action with our battles within. But what do you think will change for us all in 2011 that is different?

For me, I look to my present state and hope to not wish away my kids' childhood so fast even though the thought of less laundry someday makes me giddy. I am appreciative of having friends and family that take time to share their lives with us despite the busyness of life. I am happy to say, we did not get caught in a bubble of debit this year and people loved my homemade crackers and chutney. I could loose a few pounds, eat less...exercise more, or join the gym. Or I could get back to my get up early and walk the dog routine that fell out of place the last couple of weeks.

I am tired, but actually this year I have a pleasant post Christmas "attitude of gratitude" as my Mom used to say. I am so thankful that God met my needs in so many ways both physically and spiritually that I am pleasantly content with a cup of tea, my family around me and a good book. I am reminded of a book long ago that changed my life and I am reminded of how I still try to live according to some it's very logical and simple ways of living called "The Simple Life". http://www.amazon.com/Living-Simple-Life-Scaling-Enjoying/dp/0786882425

I highly recommend it to anyone out there that is trying to not let get these big event times get the best of you or just the junk in your house. Clean those closets, purge or just make the resolution that the fish tank needs to go. Enjoy the simple things in life like a walk with the dog, tea with the kiddos or just a great novel from the library. I have found the less I have, that I actually grow in being content. I think we all crave some simplicity by the time the new year comes around. So when you find yourself pooped out with all the celebrations and want to start somewhere but can't dig out yourself from under the recycling bins...check this little book out and consider how to scale your life back so you can gain time for yourself and your family in 2011. Happy New Year and may you prosper and be blessed in all ways this year!

Lucy2Shoes